The hardest time of my childhood!


Am I the only person here who had such a hard time completing this God forsaken temple? When I was only  10 years old I remember going around in circles for months trying to find a key that could unlock this door near the main entrance. What was so frustrating about this level was that every time you needed to go under water you had to press the start button and switch to your heavy metal boots and when you wanted to surface and walk around normally you had to repeat this process all over again. It was the biggest pain in the ass! I don't know why the Water Temple has implanted itself into my brain, but I have so many vivid memories of getting up early and staying up late just to look for this fucking key! I know it may seem dumb as hell now, but at the time completing this temple was really important to me. It was just something that had to be done. The curiosity of what was behind that locked door drove me insane and I knew that sooner or later I would eventually find out. I can even remember saving up my allowance for this weirdly shaped, blue N64 controller that had an automatic button in the centre.
At the time I figured that once I pressed this button, Link would independently move and complete the level on his own. When I did get around to pressing it, Link just repeatedly swung his sword around over and over again. I had just wasted £30!  One day, when I just so happened to be playing the game in my friends house, I unintentionally stumbled upon an unopened chest. My little heart jumped at the sight of this miraculous discovery and when I opened it there it was. That infamous key that had been the torn in my paw for over 3 months was now in my possession. The funny thing was that I don't even know what I did. It wasn't as if I had intentionally figured out some complex puzzle to make the chest appear. I must of just accidentely walked into the room it was in. Well long story short I opened the door and literally flew though the rest of the temple, despite my encounter with Dark Link. Sure, I had difficulty with some of the other temples in the game, but it was nothing compared to my ordeal in the Water Temple. It's funny how the simplest and virtually insignificant things in our lives can have such a long lasting impact. To this day I've never come across a game as poignant as Zelda: Ocarina of Time and I doubt I ever will.
For those unfortunate souls who have never gotten passed this temple, here is a simplified walk-through. God I wish youtube was around when I was a kid...


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Alcohol + Weed = Pain!!!


So after a tumultuous night of enjoying a few drinks with some pals, we deemed it was in order to light up a spliff. Since my parents are not exactly cool with me doing drugs inside the house we departed to the outside world for a more peaceful and happy high.

                                   Let me set the scene...

Close to my home there is a long, dark stretch of woodland in between two housing estates. People rarely travel through this area at night and since it was pissing rain there was a sure chance that nobody would cross our paths. As we slowly made our way up this region, I felt the alcohol taking affect. My movements became very unstable and from a distance it would of looked as if I had cerebral palsy. Having a great time talking intoxicated bullshit with my friends we eventually lit the joint. As I inhaled I realised that the weed was really powerful and that it wouldn't take much to get the job done. Before I passed it on, I took one final pull and then ever so slowly exhaled the smoke from my lungs. My mind suddenly began to slip out of focus and the world rapidly deteriorated before my eyes. Before I realised what I had done, I collapsed and hit the path with such a force that my body became temporarily paralysed. When I became self-aware of my surroundings again, I started to uncontrollably laugh which in turn set my friends off. 
After they helped me up we decided to call it a night and go our separate ways. It was only after I got home that I realised I had a huge gash on my hand. Luckily I didn't need to go to the hospital to get stitches or a tetanus, but the task of cleaning the wound was very painful nonetheless. I know I sound like a scrawny punk that can't handle a bit of weed (I probably am), but it was the first time that I ever inflicted an injury under the influence of beer/weed. My advice to anyone who drinks or does weed is to use it sensibly and sparingly. 
Stay safe!

 

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Summer Goals!



Schools out bitches!!  Like everyone else who is not a mentally challenged slob, I too plan on doing a shit load of things before the end of  summer vacation. So far I plan on going abroad, partying with my homeys, scoring a Playboy girl, making a tonne of cash and taking up the guitar. OK, so maybe pulling a Playboy girl is out of the question, unless you're Charlie Sheen, but does anyone really live up to their summer goals? If you do then fair deuce, but if you're like me then why is it so hard to carpe diem?
For example, today's a beautiful sunny day, but I cant do anything because I'm dying of a hangover and way too sleep deprived to go out. I feel like a zombie/mongo. I just wanna lie here and have someone spoon feed me on demand. My first genuine and vital goal is to get a job, and if that doesn't destroy my soul entirely, then, and only then, can I pursue the rest of my objectives. I'll keep you all up to date with my half-ass attempts on the "pursuit of doing stuff."
*I better go, the Church collection lady is at the door. I might just fill an envelope with buttons and give it to her. 
Ciao!
 
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