By Ian Begley
Schools out bitches!! Like everyone else who is not a mentally challenged slob, I too plan on doing a shit load of things before the end of summer vacation. So far I plan on going abroad, partying with my homeys, scoring a Playboy girl, making a tonne of cash and taking up the guitar. OK, so maybe pulling a Playboy girl is out of the question, unless you're Charlie Sheen, but does anyone really live up to their summer goals? If you do then fair deuce, but if you're like me then why is it so hard to carpe diem?
For example, today's a beautiful sunny day, but I cant do anything because I'm dying of a hangover and way too sleep deprived to go out. I feel like a zombie/mongo. I just wanna lie here and have someone spoon feed me on demand. My first genuine and vital goal is to get a job, and if that doesn't destroy my soul entirely, then, and only then, can I pursue the rest of my objectives. I'll keep you all up to date with my half-ass attempts on the "pursuit of doing stuff."
*I better go, the Church collection lady is at the door. I might just fill an envelope with buttons and give it to her.